murdered cactus plant
Dear Cactus Killer,
Thank you for being so helpful as to water my cactus.
No doubt you felt it was in desperate need of TLC,
as I seldom seem to pay it any mind whatsoever.
However, in being such a super helpy-helperton,
you seem to have murdered it, and now I am sad.
In the future, please kindly refrain from caring
for any sort of plant or plant-like object on my desk.
Sadly, a former owner of an awesome cactus.