What would helen do?

In a message dated 11/11/2010 11:42:33 A.M.  neecee723 writes:

 I accept your invitation for Saturday evening.  I would have been the first to respond except that I am reminded of  a bible quote that says “the first shall be LAST and anyone after the first is safe at home plate.”  PLUS when I told my vice principal that he would just have to wait until I answered an email he didn’t think that would lend to a positive classroom evaluation.  I mumbled “freakin’ loser” under my breath and put off answering your email until now.  AND NOW look what happened….all the good stuff that I wanted to bring is taken!!!!!!!  Why does one’s job always have to interfere with one’s social life????

My first question is this:  Were you announcing that there will be an Italian at dinner?  We rarely have Italians over our house for dinner.  In fact, I barely know any Italians.  So to be able to sit down and have a conversation with an Italian might be great.   I’d like to ask them what it’s like to be in the Mafia, if they have an alternate name (like Johnny “Chicken Lips” Polotano” or Tony “Gnarly Toes” Esposito—I think I’d like to have the Mafia name  Patty “Skinny Bitch” Mathis just to confuse the hell out of people), I’d asked how true is the Godfather movie, are they bookies and do they break the legs of people who don’t pay their debts and where did they bury Jimmy Hoffa? Also is there some reason why you didn’t have a Polish or German or Irish dinner?  I hope those ethnic groups are not offended…not that I am but just wondering.

My next question is this:  Is the great friends part of the menu???….like we’re not going to be doing the cannibalism thing?  I really don’t want to find out if humans taste like chicken.  OR was that invitation to bring all the people that we know that are just great?  I mean that would mean like a few hundred for me.  OR can we consider our family pet as our great friend since you did include Georgia on the email?  {If that is the case, then Weasel &Chester will attend.  The Bitch Cat will have to stay home & practice being bitchy so she won’t be able to make it……}   Sometimes, people say one thing but really mean another. 

3rd question concerns “We hope you can make it”…..does that mean you hope that we can “cook” everything that is needed for the Italian you invited for dinner at your house with his/her great friends….like we would be the catering company?  Apparently, you were able to get quite a few neighbors to “make it”….quite a racket you have going there. 

4th concern:  I noticed that there were no “meats’ included in the listings of things people were bringing.  Was dinner to be a vegetarian meal and I didn’t get that memo?  So as NOT to offend the vegetarians I will be happy to bring dog biscuits (for dogs not made from dogs) and to offend the vegetarians I will bring Italian sausage. 

5th question:  where do we get directions to your house and what time will be serving the Italian?  And the time that dinner will be served…..will that be the Daniels’ “on time time” or the Debbie Rounds “2 hours late time”?—–yes, Debbie you are always late….but then that gives us time to talk about you….. and I hope Debbie gets assigned dessert as I would be starving my ass off waiting to eat if she volunteers a main course item.  Oh, I get it….Debbie knows that bible quote…the first shall be last and the last shall be first.

SO DENISE, ROMAN (if you’re from Rome than you’re a Roman and Romans are from Italy so having Roman (the husband) in your family makes your household 50% Italian), and GEORGIA:   Just to reiterate…..I will attend, I will bring Italian sausage, I will bring dog biscuits, I will bring 100 friends and I will be happy to have an Italian dinner with the 50% Italian Daniels and neighbors.  Thanks for organizing something that I have been thinking about doing for the last 7 years. 

Pat